Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
