Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
