Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
