Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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