so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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