Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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