Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
