I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
