I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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