My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
