He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
