Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
