i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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