member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
