You're earring is so big in my mouth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
