Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
