I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
