Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
