after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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