I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
