In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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