And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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