I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
