I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
