You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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