There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
