The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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