walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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