If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize