Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
