plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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