everyone is single if you try hard enough
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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