the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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