why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just invented taco cereal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
