If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
