I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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