therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
