Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
