That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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