i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
