tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
