If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize