i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I believe in your delicious
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
