i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
