ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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