drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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