Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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