You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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