you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't deserve a penis
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
