you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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