I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
