I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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