He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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