Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
