either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
