The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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