it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
