my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
