Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
