Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize