the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
