So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize