I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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