best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this just has baby written all over it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize