Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
