If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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