Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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