It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
