Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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