just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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