We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
