She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
