call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
